Are you aware of the 5 ways being a people pleaser is harmful to you, or even dangerous at times? Want to know how to stop being a people pleaser and take back your power?
Are you a people pleaser by nature, or do you suspect that you are? Do you know the difference between pro-active and reactive sharing?
There’s nothing wrong with having the desire to make others happy and spread some joyfulness around, but there is a point when behaving this way unconsciously, can cross your personal boundaries.
One identifier that you are most likely a people pleaser, is that you have a hard time declining anyone’s requests no matter how inconvenient or unreasonable, and at the expense of your own needs. You have a really hard time saying, “no”, in fear of disappointing others. This is why people pleasing is an exhausting undertaking that can be harmful to you.
To better understand how being a people pleaser can be detrimental to your overall well-being, keep on reading…
5 ways to determine if your people pleasing behaviour is negatively affecting your life experiences.
1. As a people pleaser, you put your own personal values aside to please others.
People pleasers often put aside their own personal values to meet the expectations of other people, to make them happy. This behaviour can cause you a lot of harm in the long term because you’re failing to honour your core values, which when ignored, often leaves you with feelings of enormous guilt or regret later.
For example, consider the scenario of two friends. One friend believes lying and cheating is wrong, but the other friend thinks it’s okay sometimes. The ‘cheating’ friend may put pressure on the other friend into going along with telling a lie, even with the knowledge that it goes against this person’s values.
Rather than refusing and saying ‘no’ to the friend who wants to engage in dishonest activity, s/he reluctantly participates and feels awful afterwards. Experiencing such feelings after behaving un-authentically, are common among people pleasers.
2. When being a people pleaser, you lose a sense of who you truly are.
When you can’t say ‘no’ to people, you lose a sense of who you really are at the core of your being. You lose personal time and the ability to manifest your own aspirations, by saying “yes” to other people’s requests at the expense of your time. You also lose respect for yourself when you agree to do things you don’t want to or that make you feel uncomfortable doing.
You lose the essence of who you truly are because you get confusingly enmeshed with others’ expectations. When you never stand up for yourself and speak out about things that are upsetting you, or express your actual feelings, you deny your true self.
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3. By people pleasing, your personal boundaries are invaded.
Because people pleasers have a challenging time saying “no” to others’ requests, they often ignore their personal boundaries. Setting clear boundaries and following through on consequences if they’re crossed, protects you. Not only do boundaries guard your values, but they also keep you shielded from the upsets of the outer world.
When you are the one who crosses your own boundaries, you lose the sense of control to protect many aspects of your life. For example, crossing personal boundaries can make you feel very uncomfortable, misuse your personal time, and make you feel like you have no control to protect yourself.
15 Signs You Need Better Personal Boundaries
If you’re feeling stuck and overwhelmed in your life, having no time for yourself. Or, if you’re running around for everyone else, wondering when it’ll be your turn to truly start living – without losing important relationships in the process…then most likely, you’re suffering from a lack of healthy personal boundaries.
4. You assume a lot of responsibility for situations that aren’t meant to be your responsibility.
People pleasers often feel they need to save or make other people feel good. By “going with the flow” of what others expect of them, people pleasers believe they’ll create a harmonious, constant flow of good feelings between the people they’re trying to please and themselves.
This self-inflicting behaviour creates a ton of pressure to feel responsible for other peoples’ feelings and experiences. Other people’s happiness shouldn’t (and doesn’t) rest on your shoulders to carry. Trying to accept that much unrealistic responsibility for something that isn’t meant for you to be concerned with, is overwhelming. Ultimately, you’ll end up making what must be your number one priority, YOU, most unhappy!
5. When you’re a people pleaser, you often feel emotionally imbalanced and out of your control.
Serial people pleasing behaviour never ends well, and one of the worst things that can happen to you from constantly trying to please other people, is a loss of emotional control and well-being. When you apply all your efforts in making others happy and meeting their needs, you are also giving them the power to control you and your emotions.
Eventually, your people pleasing efforts will fall short. There will always be someone displeased or dissatisfied at some point of the experiential journey. When this happens, the stability of your emotions can be negatively impacted in a huge way.
Besides the emotional battle of constantly trying to make others happy (often at the expense of your own happiness), when you eventually lose favour with them (which you will), the emotional toll can feel even worse.
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